What’s hot: Meet the masters of meat
What’s not: You can get hot under the collar if you grab the tables near the kitchen
Long story short: Lose yourself in carnivore candy-land
===Prologue===
Some stereotypes are strong, living long in the memory. The French are known for their snootiness, the Italians for their lack of discipline and rigour (unless we’re talking Italian football), the Koreans for their love of all things tech and so on. If you ask about the Germans though, there are several stereotypes that pop up. Be it their lack of humour or desire for efficiency, the Germans are known to be devoid of passion.
That doesn’t come across in their food though. The Germans absolutely adore their meat in all its avatars. Raw, fried, crumbed, served as wurst or prepared a hundred other ways, meat and sauerkraut are the two defining points of German cuisine known the world over. It comes as no surprise then to see that Imbiss, the closest thing Mumbai has to a German tavern, is an unabashed ode to a love for all things meat.
I studied their menu closely and so I can say with surety that the only thing vegetarians can savor is the eggplant schnitzel. I never knew I’d use the words savor and eggplant in the same sentence, but theres a first time for everything.
===Ambience===
Cosy, charming and quaint might be some words people will use to describe Imbiss. That’s just another way of saying that Imbiss is small and rustic and that it ends almost as soon as it begins. With the sum total of about 5 tables on the ground floor, a few on the mezzanine floor upstairs and another 5 tables or so in the decidedly casual al fresco area, Imbiss tries to make the most of its minimal space.
But who’s to say good, even great, things don’t come in small packages? Think Sachin, think Messi, think Lotus Evora, think Scarlett Johansson; certainly, small can be be very, very big in the right circumstances. And it certainly seems to be the case with Imbiss.
I’ve had the good fortune of visiting some great places that are small in size; Villa Vandre and Nutcracker are names that spring to mind instantly, and you can add Imbiss to that list. There are no embellishments at Imbiss that are without purpose. The open kitchen is a necessity enforced by the fact that Imbiss is a pint sized powerhouse; the furniture and paint job are functional and serve its purpose alone sans any flair. If anything, the chairs don’t offer support and can be said to only make up the numbers.
Clearly then, Imbiss is not going to win any beauty contests any time soon. Its only redemption can be its food, and that’s just the way it should be.
===The mains===
If you must remember only one thing about Imbiss, let it be this; size does matter. Just as the place itself can be poky, their portions are generous and mind-boggingly large.
Imbiss is wonderful in how it panders to the Indian mentality of going large or going home (although there’s nothing wrong in going home). We love value for money in the food we eat, and the more we get the happier we tend to be with our meal. At Imbiss that’s an opportunity that’s easily taken, for they do quantity and quality with equal aplomb.
The Baby Back Spare Ribs was my first order, and the menu mentioned that this was an order fit for two. What it left unsaid was that these must either two very large eaters or one baby Gorilla. Take your pick.
With enough on the plate to feed a small country of not very hungry people, the Baby Back Spare Ribs was a winner from the get-go. Most place that serve ribs do so with a sweet BBQ sauce that is quite the popular choice. Imbues eschews that in favour of a sauce that’s got just the right hint of spiciness mated to tanginess. There isn’t much sweetness to be savored, but it is a winner through and through. With the meat sliding off the bone with insouciance and meat layered over perfectly rendered fat, the ribs here compare very favourably to some of the best in Mumbai. I’m slightly more partial to the ones from Bombay Canteen, but Imbiss beats it senseless with a very large plate when it comes to sheer quantity if not taste.
The Weiner Schnitzel came highly recommended by many and this too astounded me with its king kong like size. With the recent blanket ban on beef, it is no surprise to see that the beef fillet this usually is has been converted to buffalo meat. What will leave you taken aback though is the size of the filletttttttt. Only the brave or exceedingly hungry will fund this to be insufficient, and it is perhaps best shared between two. The crispy breaded crumbs coating is as much as is needed and the meat is cooked to perfection. The only issue I had with this is that it is way too dry as a dish. Mouthful upon mouthful of it can get to you after some time, and something to break the tedium of the dry fillet would be wonderful. I was no fan of the salad on the side, which amounted to nothing more than some chopped vegetable. I treated it with the usual contempt I reserve for vegetables.
===One more thing===
Imbiss is stuck in a time warp. How else could you explain its hilariously, outrageously modest prices? The bill for all this place, plus some aerated beverages came to about Rs. 900 and there was a big smile as we paid up and left.
===Epilogue===
You have to admire Imbiss’ gumption for very nearly going the whole hog and shunning vegetarian customers. In fact, I imagine it’s ze German idea of a joke to add the lone vegetarian item to the menu and call it a day.
Like its interiors, Imbiss’ food eschews visual splendour in its food. There is no pretty plating or delicate touches to be found and the aesthetics are quite lumpen and conspicuous by its absence. Heavy-handed and almost brutal in approach, where Imbiss scores big time is in its cooking and its outrageous value for money. Our meal was a bit rough around the edges, but I’ll be damned if I said it was enough to prevent us from returning. With modest prices and a menu that is carnivore candy-land, this will serve as the fertile meeting ground for some future meatings known and unknown. Imbiss is a siren song to meat-lovers near and far, and I urge you to succumb to its lures if you haven't done so already.